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 Shardik

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B3SERK

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PostSubject: Shardik   Wed Jul 14, 2010 11:49 pm

Name: Shardik
Aliases: Shar, Balazar
Race: Hazenn
Current Residence: Wherever shit is happening
Faction: None, for now
Subfaction: None.
Birthplace: Tenua
Age: 330
Gender: The Hazenn mono-gender
Biography

Born in 2462, Shardik was born to a lower class family, but still attended school, while being an avid learner, who very eagerly absorbed all knowledge thrown at him, technology, medicine, anything, was very easy for him to learn. Still, outside of the classroom, Shardik was often involved in illicit activities, even when he was young. Stealing, fighting, even weapons, all came to him naturally when he was young, just as learning did. And, while he tends to be quiet, and very analytic, he has had many chances to use his skills.

Even though he had several visits to jail, Shardik graduated at the top of his class, and even got a scholarship to a university, and was kicked out in his second year. Still, he had all the knowledge he needed to run a first-rate chop-shop. And from that, gained many profits, always keeping his identity secret, with voice modifying software and other things that me managed to either cobble together or repair, for cheap. Soon enough, he was leaving his home planet, and traveling around through different worlds. And, even though this was his first endeavor, Shardik has led a vast, long, life, with enough tales and experiences to fill several large volumes. Many of his endeavors have been legal, many more illegal. Through these events, he has learned much about technology, and even knows how to speak binary, he is a master of his craft, very good at computer programming, the reparation of technology, the piloting of space ships and vehicles, the use of several types of weapons and armor, and even some medicine and drug use.

While, living 330 years would make a total explanation of ones life impossible, here is an example of one of Shardik's experiences.

** A ship crashed in the middle of an icy wasteland is mostly destroyed, except for one blinking communications terminal, still powered by some happening of good fortune, to an errant scavenger.

** "Open file VERBALMIDDLEFINGER?" blinks on the screen, and the nameless scavenger launches it, not really expecting anything special, already looking at the room around him for other scavenge.

** File opened, commencing replay.

** Voice 1: (The voice is high pitched and obviously human, it brings to mind the image of a vain and fat man) Come on man, you coming down any time soon?

Voice 2: (The second voice is calm and assertive, full of experience and knowledge) Yes, the cloak is finished, I'm just waiting for ship number three to move.

Voice 1: I don't have all day man, there are people here who want that shit you got, and it's hard to get.

Voice 2: **Silence**

** After several minutes of steely silence the calm voice starts again.

Voice 2: Beginning approach, enabling stealth systems.

Voice 1: FINALLY.

** Music can be heard in the background, some type of heavy metal**

** Suddenly, a voice 2 curses loudly, and a loud explosion is heard, warning alarms go off.

Voice 1: What was that?

Voice 2: Your parts are not working very well, ground control, I'm going down, through the atmosphere, I will crash near your base, and since you only get two chances with me, you will be hearing from me and my robots soon, the deal is off, and so are you.

Ground Control: (The voice identified as "ground control" is now a shriek) FUCK YOU MAN, THOSE PARTS WERE GOOD, YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS SOON ENOUGH.

** The sound shuts off, the file ended, and the scavenger walks to what appears to be a robot bay and armory, of the five robot pods and three weapon lockers there, nothing is found, but a set of obvious tracks lead outside into the snow.

** After two hours of walking, the scavenger comes across a small tower in the middle of the wasteland, with several large holes in it, which the snow and cold already seemed to be seeping into, gaining new territory for it's cause of cold and death.

** Outside were several corpses, and according to the scavenger's thermal imaging goggles, nothing inside was alive.

** That day was a good day for the scavenger.


Personality: Professional, very used to dealing with robots, nonetheless, Shardik tends to jump at any opportunity, with obvious eagerness.
Appearance: http://www.deviantart.com/download/72619674/Tali__Zorah_nar_Rayya_by_Vij_8.jpg


Proficiencies


Engineering 9/10
This skill covers a variety of things, computer programming, repairing of equipment and electronics, this skill covers everything related to technology, including chemistry and physics. This is the center of Shardik's lively hood his bread-winner, to say. While he originally learned this in school, he has picked up many things during his life, in and outside the classroom. Also, to be more efficient, he can speak binary.

Piloting 7/10
While never hid strongest suit, Shardik has much experience, from years of blockade-running, and other activities on bike, car or space ship has made him a very good pilot.

Medicine 5/10
While most of this skill was learned in school, or during his operations involving drugs or other "medicines".

Pistols and Sidearms 7/10
While never his strongest suit, just like with Piloting, over 300 years of experience with pistols has made him a very good, and fast, shot.

Rifles/Shotguns 8/10
Sniper rifles were always Shardik's favorite way of taking out a target, he has actually gone out of his way to practice them, and many lives have been ended by his bullets. Assault rifles and shotguns are also used often by Shardik.

Automatic Weapons
Shardik has never particularly favored automatic weapons, but he uses them from time to time, either through random urges at the back of his mind, or out of necessity. This skill covers SMGS, and Heavy automatic weapons.

Melee combat 3/10
Melee was always Shardik's weakness, and something he never really got much experience at, he always kept his enemies at a distance, due to his good reflexes and physical condition, also coupled with his tendency to travel light.

Weaponry and Equipment
Armor Name: HSES - Hazenn Standard Environmental Suit (Modified)

Armor Description and/or Reference Picture:
The very basic version of a Hazenn's envirosuit that they wear most of the time. This model is a standard civilian model and houses no special protection or features. Shardik has modded his particular suit to be more useful in combat, more convenient, and more resistant to environmental Hazards. This is done via insulation, the tuning up of the respirator and other parts, and radioactive shielding. More modifications will come later.

Armor Type:
Basic

Armor Weight:
Very Light

Armor Value Versus:
Kinetic - 5
Blunt - 15
Incisions - 15
Lacerations - 15

Environmental Hazard Protection:
Heat - 50
Cold - 55
Fire - 25
Gas - 35
Vacuum - 75
Electricity - 50
Toxins/Poisons - 35
Chemicals - 40
Radiation - 40

Shields/Barriers
Shardik purchased a broken shield from a chop-shop he visited to pick up parts for his space ship, one of the vehicles they got happened to have it in the back seat. After quick and easy repairs, he added it to his suit, because in it's current state, it is very vulnerable to attack, hopefully the shield will keep him from dying easily, seeing as he currently has no robots to hide behind and assist him in combat.

The shield is of moderate strength, originally being weak with decay, but that was before Shardik's expert tune-up, it is capable of blocking projectiles and explosions, but nothing else, unless purposefully turned up to the point of making Shardik slide due to lack of friction. Shardik's quick agility being good enough to protect him from melee attack.

Special Features
A built- in backpack, and several extra pockets, all of which are detachable, along with a wrist-mounted PDA that has a large number of informative files, the capability of a great hacking tool, and a wireless connection to give him limited control of what happens in and around his ship, along with connections to control and robots that are equipped with his software.

Manufacturer:
Kha'laan Industries and other Hazenn industries


Weapon Name: "My Handcannon"
Weapon Description: This weapon, which Shardik refers to as his "Handcannon" is a large Six shooter, that fires large metal slugs which are custom-made by Shardik, he wears two of them crisscrossed across his midsection, like an old-fashioned gun-slinger, they are both positioned so that Shardik can draw them as quickly as possible, which is very quick.
Swep: HL2 Magnum SWEP, I will go for anything flashier if you happen to have it.
How your character received this weapon: Both were originally bought from a weapons dealer, but then modified by shardik so that they would be lighter, by replacing or removing certain parts, and still use his customs slugs, which simply pack more of a punch than other shells, simply out of power and size.

Weapon Name:The Multipurpose Signaling and Illumination gun
Weapons Description: http://aeria.omgforum.net/weapons-and-armor-f115/pistols-megathread-t3434.htm
Swep: http://www.garrysmod.org/downloads/?a=view&id=92449
How your character received this weapon: He found it in the utility closet of his ship right after be bought it originally, when half of it was missing.


Vehicle Base: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3621/3594981088_53889eb42c.jpg?v=0
Vehicle Name: "I made it out of replacement parts and repaired parts, I don't know what to call it."
Vehicle Description: A small, blockade-runner style smuggler ship, which is equipped with two empty robot-service bays, and a 30x30 cargo hold. It is equipped with two 6x2 rocket pods, armed with explosive missiles with automated tracking systems. Inside the ship, there is of course, a cockpit, small medical bay/kitchen a small room dedicated to technological work, and a three-cot bedroom. The most important part of the ship though, is it's vast array of stealth technology, which is also hidden in case someone decides that inspecting Shardik's ship is a good idea.
How you acquired your vehicle: As shown in the lack of a name, this ship was cobbled together from spare parts and old junk, but due to Shardik's skill and experience, it is very hardy and reliable.

Vehicle Base: http://www.garrysmod.org/downloads/?a=view&id=37580
Vehicle Name: The SSVLV-12 "Razor"
Vehicle Description: http://aeria.omgforum.net/vehicles-f116/the-ssvlv-12-razor-t3327.htm
How you acquired your vehicle: Made from spare parts, just as the ship was.


Other Equipment


Assortment of parts and scrap, which, with the addition of an extra few key components could end up making a variety of things.
A highly advanced set of tools, containing the basic to the precise
2x Cases of purchased and home-made drugs
1x Case of home-made explosives
1x Crate of munitions, half full
A shitload of empty cases and crates

Side notes: The biography part of the app is different from how I usually do it, because explaining what someone did in 330 years is pretty much impossible, especially someone like Shardik, if there are any problems at all, I am perfectly willing to change this app in any way, or write any other apps that are needed. And while I know the Hazenn mono-gender is female, I still refer to Shardik as a he, simply out of habit.


Last edited by B3SERK on Fri Jul 16, 2010 9:39 am; edited 5 times in total
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Olde Rika
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PostSubject: Re: Shardik   Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:31 am

Well done. There is only one thing I have to complain about, you tend to use commas incorrectly.
Your putting commas in areas that might sometimes have pauses but don't necessarily need them. You also tend to use commas to extend a run-on sentence. Normally this is fine except when your trying to extend the sentence with over three commas. I have also noticed that some of these commas would do much better if they were a period, in order to separate ideas better. Here is an example of one of your super pumped-up comma sentences:
Quote :
Shardik has modded his particular suit to be more useful in combat, more convenient, and more resistant to environmental Hazards, via insulation,the tuning up of the respirator and other parts, and radioactive shielding, more modifications will come later.

This sentence is normal and all besides the grammatical errors, so lets do a run down. Your first comma is fine. Second one is fine too. Now the third through the seventh comma can be fixed. Lets give it a look shall we?
The third comma is unnecessary so lets just throw that out. The fourth comma needs to be spaced a little better. The fifth comma is, just remove the "The" after it. The sixth comma is fine. Now the seventh comma is where a period should be, so replace it with a period. Now the sentence isn't too long and still makes sense. Here is what it should look like:


Shardik has modded his particular suit to be more effective in combat, more convenient, and more resistant to environment Hazards via insulation, tuning up of the respirator and other parts, and a radioactive shielding. More modifications will be added later.


Since you tend to do this in your writing naturally, I don't know if you would be able to detect these errors. If you cannot find any of these errors please pm me and I will see what I can do. All I ask now is to read through it a couple of times and look at this for a while: http://www2.ivcc.edu/rambo/eng1001/commas.htm

Otherwise, Good Work!
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BloodStream

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PostSubject: Re: Shardik   Thu Jul 15, 2010 9:45 am

I don't think giving someone a lesson on how to use commas is necessary, really...
I mean, if it was something unbearable, like capitalsing The First Letter Of Every Word Like This, then I suppose writing out a big fat paragraph like that would've been acceptable.

But comma use? Really?
It's really not that important.


Anyway, I'm sure B3serk doesn't want us derailing his thread with stuff he probably doesn't even care about.
It was a nice read, although I must admit one point that's deterred me from making a hazenn character is that there aren't any decent bio pictures of non-Tali Quarians. I know it's minor, but it annoys me. D:
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Olde Rika
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PostSubject: Re: Shardik   Thu Jul 15, 2010 10:02 am

I am not trying to harm his thread in anyway. Some of the things can be very confusing with all those commas. Yeah of course you still know what he means but some people wont waste their time reading it if its not just easily there. I just want him to do it so his approval rate increases. Tha is all.
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B3SERK

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PostSubject: Re: Shardik   Thu Jul 15, 2010 10:07 am

It's okay, I know your criticism is good, but I wrote the majority of this past midnight (couldn't go to sleep), and I must have rewritten that particular sentence about four or five times, because I couldn't decide on what modifications I would put on the suit. Anyways, I will try to spruce this up grammar wise, and possibly change a few other minor things.
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B3SERK

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PostSubject: Re: Shardik   Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:32 pm

Double post bump, is this approved?
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BloodStream

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PostSubject: Re: Shardik   Thu Jul 15, 2010 12:57 pm

Yeah I'll go ahead and approve it, but I'm not a forum admin so I can't move it.
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