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 Gnomes In Your Home?

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Phry

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PostSubject: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:36 am

Quote :
Wilfred's Weekly Whittle

Gnomes In Your Home?

14th December

Look to your left, dear reader, then look to your right. Then look up, then look down. Chances are, you didn't see any gnomes. HOWEVER, statistics show that you just saw atleast one hidden gnome.

Yes, that's right, studies in the local province of Surna households concluded that atleast one in every two houses had over five hidden gnomes, and nine in ten houses had atleast one gnome hiding out.

Shocked? We at the Whittle were even more-so. The idea of a filthy little Gnome touching our things shocked us considerably. Quickly, we worked to devise a solution.

After speaking with an expert on the matter, we are proud to say the only tried and true method of ridding your humble abode of these mischievous merry-makers was to scent your home with Shruteroot.

However, Shruteroot does not grow in Surna locally, and has to be acquired specially from sea-side caves along the Sword Coast.

Never fear, dear readers, for we have ample Shruteroot for all - at one low price!

A great Gnome-preventing gift for friends!

Order now - you can't afford Gnot to be Gnome free!



Delivery details:
Mail a piece of parchment with the quantity in ounces of your desired amount of Shruteroot to
33 Surna High Street, Wilfred Publishing Co.
Your order should be ready to collect the next day.


We at the Whittle would like to note that statisics used may or may not be fabricated. This does not impair the effectiveness of our product.




Next week's featured article:
Goblins, Gnomes, Grickles - Knowing the difference between them could save your life!



Last edited by Phry on Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:15 am; edited 5 times in total
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Monkeyfisker

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:43 am

YESSSSSS
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Zappericus

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 10:44 am

I would never have gnown.

Amazing.



Last edited by Zappericus on Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Kain

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:22 pm

A DOZEN POUNDS OF SHRUTETHORN, MY GOOD MAN. Those gnomes are going to SUFFOCATE.
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thorogoodd

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:39 pm

Next week's article has goblins, must read.
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Phry

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:03 pm

And Grickles.
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Zappericus

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:06 pm

The hell is a grickle?
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Phry

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:23 pm

OHOHOHO YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK DEAR READER.
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Reanimated

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 2:51 pm

<.< >.> i dont see any gn- wait FUCK THERES ONE
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Phry

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 3:12 pm

shrutethorn is now shruteroot cuz it ryhmes.
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Rutabega
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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 3:50 pm

Just go to the Inn to see a goblin make your dinner, ain't too hard to tell the difference if you've seen Noddy and Gah stand next to eachother.

Btw, is the last name of this author "Brimley"?

Also lol, Surna High street, nice.

_________________


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Thorn Razel | Rutabega [LOOC]: I HOPE YOU LIKE HARDTACK
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Pat: I enjoyed handing Thorn his dismal papers directly from General Geoff
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Psycheandromida
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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 4:44 pm

Has anyone else noticed that going by Aeria's history and lore, gnomes aren't that prone to be tiny brilliant inventors? They're primarily short, stupid and prone to asspulling.
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Markka
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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 5:38 pm

And prone to mess up your stuff. And punted shortly afterwards.

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Gambit

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Thu Dec 09, 2010 6:37 pm

Stealing our underwear.

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Phry

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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Fri Dec 10, 2010 12:46 pm

Psycheandromida wrote:
Has anyone else noticed that going by Aeria's history and lore, gnomes aren't that prone to be tiny brilliant inventors? They're primarily short, stupid and prone to asspulling.

Yes, I knew that.

I did.

I swear I did.
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Mack
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PostSubject: Re: Gnomes In Your Home?   Sat Dec 11, 2010 11:12 am

Psycheandromida wrote:
Has anyone else noticed that going by Aeria's history and lore, gnomes aren't that prone to be tiny brilliant inventors? They're primarily short, stupid and prone to asspulling.

oh sweet lord it's true
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