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 Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?

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Phry

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PostSubject: Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?   Fri Dec 17, 2010 3:15 pm

Quote :
Wilfred's Weekly Whittle

Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?

21th December - Edition 3

Amid the current din of media lies and half-truths, the Whittle continues to provide you with the information relevant, and necessary to your every day lives. The article this week being especially representative of this fact.

You may never have heard of a Grickle, and this is more than likely. However, you must understand that they pose a very grave threat to those who dwell in the city. With the advance of the Occitan army, the majority of their population has been uprooted (yes, uprooted) from the Talibarian borders and pushed inwards, slowly trickling in Surna.

Now, i'm sure the majority of Whittle readers are familiar with Gnomes, or, we'd hope not, due to their use of Shruteroot, however I will go over them and Goblins before we arrive once more at Grickles.

Gnomes are a particularly mischevous pest, being roughly as tall as a large dog. They are a naturally unfriendly, anti-social and havoc loving race. Your misery is their delight. This is exactly why we stress the need of Shruteroot (which can still be ordered using the details at the back of this edition).

They are quite a bit shorter than dwarves, Gnomes being about 2-3ft, and should not be confused with them, dwarves being a respectable people.

That brings us to Goblins.

Goblins are also a respectable race. They're fairly distinguishable from Gnomes, characterized by their green skin. They're usually around 4ft, much taller than Gnomes.

Now, the part i'm sure you're anxious to read: Grickles.

What are they?
Grickles are a curious creature. They originate in the forests of Talibar, on the Occitan border. Small, vine-like creatures, they cling to trees and await prey. Once prey is close enough, they detach themselves from the bark with which they blend so well in, and wrap around them, constricting them - either until they starve, or until they suffocate. Then they slowly begin to devour the body.

How can they be avoided?
Stay out of dark alleyways, and avoid vine covered walls when on your own. If you have someone with you, the danger is less prominent, but there's always a chance you could be strangled before your companion could aid you.

How can the Whittle help?
You would expect us to provide you with cutting-edge technology to counter-act this.

You would expect correctly.

We are for you, our reader, and your saftey is our main concern. Should you ever find yourself in a tangle with a Grickle, we have just the contraption.

Grickle-seeking nymphs - bottled for your convienience.

The little nymphs speed towards the nearest source of biomass (in this case, a Grickle) and devour it, before it can devour you. As with our Shruteroot cure, we assure you that this has been discussed and investigated by top experts in the field, all the way north by the Occitan-Talabarian border. There is no defence more effective - short of a fire mage, but sadly, we can't carry those around in our pockets, and there's never one there when you need them!

Order now, and be safe from the menacing vines of a Grickle forever!


Delivery details:
Mail a piece of parchment with the quantity in ounces of your desired amount of Grickle-seeking bottle o' nymphs to
33 Surna High Street, Wilfred Publishing Co.
Your order should be ready to collect the next day.


Next week's featured article:
Black market potions - You need to know what you're dealing with!



Last edited by Phry on Fri Dec 17, 2010 6:57 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Graley



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PostSubject: Re: Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?   Fri Dec 17, 2010 3:22 pm

This is like those weird scam mails I get.
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Mack
THE GLORY
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PostSubject: Re: Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?   Fri Dec 17, 2010 3:53 pm

Graley wrote:
This is like those weird scam mails I get.

this made me laugh so hard my lungs hurt
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Xeloras
Arrogant Prick of an Admin
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PostSubject: Re: Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?   Fri Dec 17, 2010 5:02 pm

Black Market Potions? I feel this will make fun of William at some point.
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Phry

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PostSubject: Re: Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?   Fri Dec 17, 2010 6:57 pm

Graley wrote:
This is like those weird scam mails I get.

nonsence, it's a respectable news outlet
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Psycheandromida
He Who Wears Sunglasses at Night
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PostSubject: Re: Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?   Fri Dec 17, 2010 10:54 pm

I got this almost exact same letter last month, except replace goblin with the government, gnomes with HST, and replace grickles with immigrants.
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Phry

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PostSubject: Re: Goblins, Gnomes and Grickles?   Fri Dec 17, 2010 11:56 pm

Psycheandromida wrote:
I got this almost exact same letter last month, except replace goblin with the government, gnomes with HST, and replace grickles with immigrants.

lol'd hard
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